This has been the season of No’s, starting far back in May with my former company’s decision to lay me off. Many of these no’s I enacted. I recently said no to my relationship. Earlier this week, I said no to Christmas travel to Cuba; the flights were poorly timed, I’m hemorrhaging money, and I don’t have confidence that the group can pull off the trip. Yesterday, Major said “no,” he doesn’t need any of my art for Saturday’s party. On the same day, the Exploratorium wrote back to say “no,” they don’t want any of my LED sculptures for their December event.
So many no’s. It’s quite hard to push away Stephanie and my family. It’s hard to be unwanted. I feel the urge to sleep all day. I get up nonetheless, write lists, focus small, and keep going. So many no’s; someday soon I would like a “yes.”